Wearing: Elliatt Mechanism Dress in Peach/White; Mollini heels; Sistaco Tarella Pink Stone necklace thanks to Sistaco; Diva flowers
The prettiest of Spring is here once again and I think about how far my life has come.
I still have the same home, the same friends, the same going out habits, the same car. The main difference I find is that I say no to many things now, I choose how to spend my week, I don't feel obliged to go out with a friend, I can imagine what would happen to me more clearly if I chose this or that (my behavioural and social patterns I can detect now), I also know that time purely heals at all.
I'm sadly at a crossroads at my life, I want to confess everything on my blog, on my facebook on my instagram but I try to keep it discreet for other parties involved. I find I'm talking to myself asking 'What do I do' and how to find the courage to cross this path. Truth is, I realised I've been faking my happiness over the past few weeks and I'm trying to come to terms with picking loneliness over faking happy feelings. I didn't mean for it to happen, nor did I know this was the definition but I knew once I woke up last Saturday and I was already crying.
I almost destroyed myself on that Saturday because I was on a rampage to forget my troubles. Come Sunday and I regret it all, vowing never to put myself in danger again for my friends or family's sake.
Recover Recover, what a vicious cycle especially since my Saturday rampage. I want to banish all the sad memories that have come by. Step by step, day by day I am trying to find my laugh again, my smile, things that make me feel beautiful and make me do my silly dances and my lame jokes.
I will find it again, I always do. This time I have to kick my demons to the kurb. I'm sick of writing about sad stuff and how sad I am. I was never like this, dragging my sadness around. Have to find my happiness again....
Shaking it off, I will have to feel it whilst listening to music extra happy like The Beatles, Frank Sinatra or The Temptations and playing with my dogs. Shake it off, shake it off.