Love Letters for the Full Moon of May

Monday, May 27, 2013
Love Letters for the Full Moon of May

Dearest,

I drove to work last night; and there was a full moon in the sky. Looking up, I detest that I cannot preoccupy myself with my usual book and phone surfing routine. I hate driving alone these days.
Instead I stare at the moon and in a very corny way, I wonder if that full moon looks the same where you are right now.
Then I tear up while I steer the wheel and the road and the car lights start to blur together into a watery mess. My mind wanders to the night I had a moment of weakness: I drank so much in a short amount of time and I hit *send*. I never got a response, but that's ok with me. Yet tonight, I find myself asking - where was your moment of weakness? Am I alone in my sadness?

So, feeling defeated, I feel my tears start to run down my cheeks. Suddenly I get a text from a friend with a crisis of his own. I was relived for a distraction and I pull over to answer his text, spending the next few minutes sorting out the issue. When I was done, I look up and start to pull out onto the road. I forgot what I was thinking about and light a cigarette and change the radio station. I hate the taste of that cigarette but I smoke it anyway. Any distraction would do.
I act like nothing had happened even though I'm the only one in the car - A process I'm not unfamiliar with. I just drive on and on into the night blocking my feelings from emerging again. On these sorts of nights is when I really am alone with my thoughts and feelings; and weeks of happiness sometimes unfold within 45 minutes of driving. That sucks the most. So I call my friend so he can make me smile again; and he successfully does.
Yet, the full moon stares me down and I avoid staring back because this thought keeps coming up: "Damn, I really do miss him". And at those times of solace, I really do. I really do miss you.

Yours Always,
Natalie

4 comments :

bon. said...

thanks for sharing this miss. really honest and really beautiful.

Joana said...

Aw honey, I so wish I could reach into the screen and give you a hug. This is so sad but beautiful at the same time. I feel all these little things help us grow and even though I don't know the details, I am happy you have a friend who can truly make you smile despite everything.

xo Joana
Grow In Fashion

Cindi said...

Keep your head up, feelings like these luckily don't last. You'll come out of it as a stronger person :)

/Cindi

Halie said...

Gorgeous look.
http://halielandry.blogspot.com/

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