Wearing: Zipporra's Arrow Top (c/o #CROSSSECTION The Boutique), Evyie's Asymmetric Skirt (c/o #CROSSSECTION The Boutique), Maple & Ray's Neck Cuff (c/o #CROSSSECTION The Boutique), Steve Madden Boots thanks to Steve Madden, Royal Aquamarine's Rockerfeller Sunglasses (midnight with leather)
Well, here I am. I'm dressed in the most beautiful clothing from #CROSSSECTION The Boutique (think Zipporra and Evyie) and I know as I stare at these photos that I should've been feeling amazing. But at the time these photos were taken, I can see I was not. I've been avoiding uploading outfit shots because I just look so unhappy. I even still have my old tired balayage hair in these.
This past week, I've been going through a time where I think the universe is trying to test me when a person left my life. So I started to avoid the universe.
I've come to not wanting to go home and sleep in my bed. Too many memories in my room haunt me. So as I finish my shift at the 24/7 open casino at 2am, 4am or 6am... I just didn't go home to sleep for four days. First it was on a couch with my friend; the 2nd, in the back of my car in a dingy carpark; the 3rd, the same; and the 4th, in my boyfriend's bed.
I finally did go home - but I've had to strip my sheets, cleanse myself throroughly and put away photos and memories to be able to sleep there again.
I will admit, it was scary to sleep in my car from 2am onwards only to wake up in a dark hole(it was a 24/7 carpark with barely any lighting). It's Winter so I curled myself in the back with a tiny blanket and forced my eyes shut. When I jolted awake and it's still 5am I wake up to pure darkness and then say to myself: 'Natalie, please sleep, you're in a fricken carpark for bloody sake'. It was also a time where I stopped myself jumping onto my phone to dwell on old photos or emails or texts. I had to preserve my phone battery for the morning. What a dark two days that was.
I think the universe tested me that week but I think I'm finally crawling back. My birthday is what I'm looking forward to - and birthday planning really , really does help. I've come at a cross section where I miss my old life terribly and the person in it. But I've decided to cross over to a new chapter in my life because I promised myself I will be happy. And I will. I most definitely will.